Stain Buddy COULD Hide the Crime!

My 90-year-old mother (NYOM) phoned me. “Here’s something for you to write about, “she said. She went on to tell me how she was cleaning out her closet and found a mysterious white dress that she had never seen before. “And . . .” she said with satisfaction, “it’s covered with blood!”

“What do you mean, covered?”

“Well, there’s a lot of blood on the front, right over the heart, and some on the back, too. But no bullet holes”

“Hmm . . . how do you suppose this dress got into your closet?”

“Pretty mysterious, huh?”

Not really. Mom has an extensive wardrobe. Some of her clothes are older than I am, and that makes them bona fide antiques. Also, she has never in her life said no to hand-me-downs. When someone dies, the heirs automatically strip the closets and haul the contents to Mom’s house. She loves it. All her closets are crammed. So, this bloody, white dress really could have come from anywhere.

I suddenly had a perfect thought! It just so happens I’ve been trying out a new product called Stain Buddy, that has so far proven truly amazing at quickly removing ink, Magic Marker, grape juice, red wine and shoe polish stains from carpet and upholstery. The manufacturer claims it will totally annihilate dried blood stains, too, but so far no one has volunteered to bleed for me. Even though it wasn’t carpet or upholstery fabric, I decided Mom’s blood-stained dress would be a fabulous testing ground for Stain Buddy.

“I’ll come right over, Mom.”

“Okay. But I don’t have the dress anymore.”

I visualized my excellent plan dissolving — just like the grape juice stains I’d tested.

“You don’t want something like that in your house,” she said. “So, I wrapped it in a garbage bag and put it in the dumpster down at the Catholic Church.”

I stifled a huge sigh. “So, why didn’t you just throw it in your own dumpster?”

“’Cause if anybody finds it there, they’ll assume it’s wine and never come looking for me. I’m a Methodist, ya know.”

Advertisement